The Death of My Soul

After 17 years of ministry in Korea, I began ministering to immigrants in the United States. Through my church, I faced many trials that refined me. One day, a cancer patient visited my office with her husband. From her expression and physical condition, it was clear that she was in serious trouble. She told me that she had undergone surgery to remove cancer from over 40 places in her body, and her doctor advised her to rely on God and live a life of faith. While searching for a church, they found ours with its doors open.

After praying fervently, I asked how I could help them, and they requested a caregiver. My wife agreed to care for her at their home with great dedication. When it was time for the patient to undergo the first of six rounds of chemotherapy, she was filled with fear. I prayed for her and assured her that God would cleanse her as if with water, and told her to go in peace. When she returned, she was overjoyed, saying she had felt as if her entire body had been washed clean with water, just as I had prayed. She began to trust me.

After completing all six rounds of chemotherapy, her cancer markers had dropped from 2,000 to 8. Her doctor said it was a special case, and she was delighted. I had never spoken about offerings, but one Sunday morning, she brought a check for one million dollars and told me to use it to purchase a church building. I took the check to her home and asked her husband if the offering was made with both of their agreement, explaining that if not, I could not deposit it in the church’s account. They both confirmed that it was a joint decision, so the check was deposited through the church’s finance department, and we were able to purchase a one-million-dollar church building.

However, the cancer returned, and her husband accused me of being a fraudulent pastor, taking out a full-page ad in the newspaper against me. The community was in an uproar. I turned off my phone and cried out to the Lord in the sanctuary, asking, “Lord, why are You giving me this trial?” The Lord spoke to my heart, saying that He had made me a target of reproach for His sake. Because of that ad, my reputation was destroyed; it was as if my soul had died. With my soul dead, there was nothing in this world that I desired or wanted to enjoy anymore.

Then, on Sunday, the cancer patient came to the church earlier than usual and asked if she could have some time to share her testimony. I gave her time after my sermon, and she spoke for about 40 minutes, recounting every detail of our interactions up until the newspaper ad. As she spoke so precisely, the congregation began to realize that the ad had been false. Additionally, Rev. Lee Byung-Beom, a senior pastor who had never met me, had seen the ad and wanted to verify the truth. Unable to reach me by phone, he decided to attend our Sunday service. After hearing her testimony, he defended me to other pastors.